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Day 10 Recap December 17, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — progresdelebug @ 3:11 am

It’s finals week so I haven’t been posting as much (or at all for the last six days). My last final is Monday and then I will be done. I’m glad I survived the first half of this week.

I’m going to do at least three more physics problems and then I will sleep.

This semester, I have learned that I don’t have a lot of good friends. A lot of people, myself included, are actually very selfish, immature and reckless. It’s not that I didn’t think that these people didn’t exist. I just didn’t think they would exist at college–let alone, near me. With the exception of J, I’ve either lost or hated most of the people I know here. It’s possible that I will make better friends in the future, but I’m also worried that my friends may just be a reflection of myself. I have noticed qualities that I don’t like in others that I’m guilty of myself. And many times, your friends do reflect who you are.

I want to try to appreciate their good qualities and value any time I have with them. (But I really do want better friends, in all honesty.)

 

 

 

Day 4 Recap December 11, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — progresdelebug @ 6:31 am

I got up at noon and went to the office to get some work done. I studied cell bio and tried to organize my section and wrote a little of my article. I came back and got dinner with my friends from my hall and then I met up with B and A for A’s birthday. It was nice. There were five of us in total and we walked to Wendy’s. The food is actually not good but it was nice to be off campus and the atmosphere was nice, even though it was freezing. I watched a Supernatural episode with J. This has been a strange night. I’m still upset over a lot of things, most of which is beyond my control but I have to handle it somehow.

I was seriously trying to think though my idea of transferring. One huge reason was because I don’t feel close to anyone here, except for J, especially since I’ve lost touch with one of my good friends from last year. There are really sweet people here and I felt upset because I don’t think I appreciate them enough. I don’t know how close I’m supposed to be to anyone. I don’t know if I should have had a boyfriend by now or what. I found out an old friend from my church who my parents used to compare me with has a boyfriend and she sleeps over frequently. If that’s honestly the case, then I shouldn’t feel afraid to have a boyfriend because someone like her will judge me.

Well, now V is drunk and may be missing. Or someone else from our hall is missing, not sure. V is moving in with me and sometimes I’m afraid it will be a disaster and other times I feel unfair for thinking that. Things will just be more dramatic than when R lived with me, and I don’t know if I have the energy for that, honestly.

I should go to sleep, but I should see if J needs my help with V. She shouldn’t have to deal with it by herself.

 

Day 3 Recap December 10, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — progresdelebug @ 1:44 am

I hadn’t posted anything recap for day 2 or preview for day 3. I’ve been busy running around class, work, and the newspaper that I’ve haven’t had that much time. I haven’t met any goals I’ve set for myself and I’ve been feeling incredibly stressed out and depressed. I still have a healthy appetite though. I’m going to try finish reviewing this biology chapter I’m reading at least for tonight.

lows

  • I did poorly on the quiz and exam I took today and did not finish my homework.
  • I’ve been oversleeping so I put no effort into my appearance. Also, I have one pair of contacts left and I probably won’t pick up my new set for a week.
  • The person I spend the most time with there is actually the person I can stand the least. It’s very frustrating trying to hold a conversation with her, because she just doesn’t care for what you’re talking about and is very judgmental. I’m trying to limit my time with her and see if I can have more fluid conversations with other people.
  • I saw the boy I used to like with his girlfriend tonight. I lost touch with him this semester, although he was one of my closest friends last year.
  • This weekend, I’m running the section alone. My co-editor is unavailable and I have two exams that day. This week in particular, a lot of our stories are coming in late.

I will be very stressed but writing this out has actually helped a little. I don’t feel as sad and going out just to grab food allows me to run into other people and that makes me feel better. I’m trying to appreciate the people I’m with more. Just because I have a few shitty friends doesn’t mean I should act negatively toward all of them. And I don’t deserve to have good friends unless I try to be one myself. I don’t deserve good grades unless I work for them. Same logic.

Walking home from work, I resolved to do well in school, even if it killed me. Literally, it’s drastic, but unless I have that mindset, my grades won’t improve.

I’ve been thinking it’s nice to work in a lab. I might choose it over medical school, but I’m not sure yet. I just like the thought of working in a place where I’m comfortable and coming home to dinner and maybe some television.

 

Day 2 Preview December 8, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — progresdelebug @ 4:51 am

[final recap of Day 1]

Dinner was fine. It was nice at some points. J and I ended up having to take a shuttle back because there weren’t enough rides. It was raining and the first shuttle passed by us. I came back wet and numb.

I’ve been aware for a while that I don’t actually have good friends here. The only person who I’d actually consider to be a good friend here is J. I’ve been thinking about transferring/graduating early, but it’s close to impossible.

[Day 2]

goals

  • wake up a half hour earlier
  • review bio-lab within 2 hours

 Hmm, I wish B never gave me her Facebook password sometimes. I keep logging on to it and feeling disappointed with my own life, which is why I deactivated my own account in the first place. She gave it to me so I could keep in touch with our old high school friends, but I put it on a 24 hour long blacklist for now.

 

Day 1 Recap December 7, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — progresdelebug @ 4:04 pm

last night’s goals for today

  • wear something other than sweats tomorrow
  • wake up a half hour earlier than usual
  • find one new way to style my hair

So far has been fine. Somehow, I convinced myself I didn’t need to go to my 9 am class so I slept in. I would love to get more sleep during the night so I should work on sleeping earlier and obtaining breakfast everyday.

Tonight is the editor’s dinner. We’re going to a Mexican restaurant in town and it’s apparently college night. I think my assistant is coming and so is my friend J. I’ve never explicitly mentioned this to her, but I’m really glad she’s coming. I get along with most of them but I’ve never felt truly comfortable, but I’m just a little more comfortable now. Also, today is our last biology lab. Our exam is on Friday and I need to study so I’ll do that in between lab and dinner and after dinner as well.

I really want it to be a good day, so I’ll smile a lot and try not to feel bad if I don’t feel included.

[cont @ 4:25 pm]

Biology lab went well. I did well on my abstract and missed only one question on my quiz. I ate a bacon cheeseburger though and I feel sleepy. I need to eat healthier food in general. I also found a recipe for smoretini shooters. I actually get sort of nauseous when I think of vodka now, because I did have one bad experience, but I should be fine.

I just had an interesting thought. Sometimes people sever relationships with those that they don’t see beneficial to them. It’s sort of like waking up one day and deciding to throw the clutter out of your closet to make room for more useful things. You even throw out the things that have sentimental value because they aren’t improving your life in any way, and may even be dragging you down. Well, humans are a little different. Like old letters wouldn’t feel betrayed if you were to toss them in your recycling bin, but if you were to cut contact with a friend, he or she may not know that they were holding you down and might miss you. And while you may feel satisfied with your life, walking around in more confident strides, your old friends are left behind wondering what they did wrong, because they honestly do not know.

 

Day 1

Filed under: Uncategorized — progresdelebug @ 6:20 am

Today was fine. I didn’t finish some of my homework before my first class just because I had been extremely tired. I need to remember to plan out my homework before production nights at the office to make sure I’m on top of assignments. I also need to make sure to go to my 9 am class tomorrow. I’ve been letting myself become increasingly more apathetic towards school as finals arrive.

short term goals

  • wear something other than sweats tomorrow
  • wake up a half hour earlier than usual
  • find one new way to style my hair

long term goals

  • establish a schedule where I sleep at least 7 hours per night and eat 3 meals a day
  • develop enough confidence to not miss certain people